Fear of Phone Calls

Recently, I found out something new about myself, the fact that I’ve become afraid of phone calls.

I am engaged in an initiative at present regarding the construction of a Common Facility Centre on rice value addition. The rationale behind such an initiative is to support farmers in improving their livelihood and increasing their incomes. While the vision is meaningful, the process is intense.

The work is hectic and demanding. Every day, there are strict targets, meetings with government officials, system related processes, approvals, and follow ups. In this environment, phone calls can never be avoided. Each call carries urgency, responsibility, or a decision which cannot be delayed.

Over the time, this ringing of my phone became a pressure on me without even me knowing. What once felt normal was gradually becoming overwhelming. And there would be times when I thought my phone is ringing while it isn’t. That imagined sound denotes how alert the mind has been constantly.

This fear didn’t appear overnight, and it isn’t about avoiding work. It’s rooted in responsibility, in caring deeply about the project and the people it aims to support. When the stakes are high and the outcome matters greatly, even a phone call can feel heavy.

Understanding this fear has been a great teacher in a different light: not just about perseverance, but also balance. As much as I am working on building systems, infrastructure, and livelihoods, I’m also learning that mental well being matters. Pauses are not signs of weakness; to set boundaries and take a breather is necessary for sustainability.

Maybe it has nothing to do with this fear of phone calls. Maybe it is a reminder of slowing down, looking back, and learning how to carry responsibilities without being consumed by them.

But this learning still continues.