The Art of Ending Things

Is ending something an art? Is that why we fail at it constantly? Take a few minutes to picture all the scenarios of having had to end things, in your mind. Can you honestly say you’ve done a good job of all of them?

And it’s not like we don’t encounter the need or the situation. All of us have had to end relationships, jobs, friendships, courses, habits, and so on. Like that weird colleague you didn’t know how to say no to, and ended up chilling with after work? Or that blind date you just don’t know how to refuse. Or that fellowship you were part of and abruptly said goodbye to, but now you want a recommendation and don’t know how to ask for it?

When it comes to work or projects- I don’t know how much one thinks about the repercussions of ending something, just when one is at the brink of ending it. Do you lay out a diagram or an excel sheet to understand the possible ways an end will affect you and the others around you? Do you prepare for each scenario before the actual goodbye? What do you do with the emotions surrounding an end- guilt, shame, helplessness? Can you actually do a good ‘good bye’?

A project I had been working on for 7 years came to a close, quite recently. I was faced with this question almost every day, and had been thinking about it for many months before that. In other roles I have worked in, I have been on the receiving side of distasteful endings. Colleagues who quit with little warning, and fellows I work with disappearing without a trace. These scenarios leave a bitter aftertaste, and obviously I want to do better than that.
But the question really boils down to- can you?

From the experiences I have gathered, I can think of a few important points to go about ending a project. I don’t know if some version of it suits everyone, but let us give it a go and you, my readers, can add to it. Maybe that’s how you craft a good, or at least bearable ending.
My list goes like this:

• Be clear that it is actually the end.
  A lot of the miscommunication that happens between stakeholders really is about the duration of the ending. What happens after a project ends, what are the logistics surrounding it. But first, be sure you are clear that this is an end and convey it to the other person or people in the equation. If it’s a project, make a list of people who need to know you are leaving and send out messages. If possible, meet them and let them know that you are leaving.

• Complete all the deliverables on your plate, or assigned to you. The idea is to make the transition as smooth as possible for everyone. So make a list of the deliverables you need to complete, send out emails, transfer data and so on. Do the needful within the given time. The end is not the time to do an incomplete job, or turn up the slack. Learn to tie every loose end and complete your commitment. However small the project is, it has some place in peoples lives, and that makes it important.

• Create and distribute a plan. It’s always good to leave pointers as to what will happen once you leave. You can choose someone to transfer responsibilities, set in place next steps and give all the information the others may need to continue after you are gone. Don’t assume other people know, just make and distribute a detailed plan to everyone involved. An easy way to understand how elaborate the plan should be is- it should be simple enough for a complete stranger to understand it.

• Be honest about the next steps, if you feel like you cannot support someone after you leave, don’t make promises. Honesty is helpful in any situation and while another stakeholder might be upset and disappointed about you leaving, they will at least make their own way and not depend on you if they know you won’t be able to help. This needs courage and it might be the hardest part, but it is crucial to any kind of end. It will also be rewarding, as you might want to keep the personal connections intact even after the professional obligation is done. The discomfort will pass but often the honesty of the friendship will remain.

• Share insights (this part is intended for work projects, but maybe you can do it in other scenarios as well). Make a presentation or report and share it with your stakeholders. What you intended to do, what exactly happened, what was the impact. What were your learnings and the stories and any anecdotes you feel like sharing. It is important for other stakeholders to know exactly what they were part of, and if there was an impact, they should be privy to that information. You can also discuss challenges and failures but not in a manner of blaming someone. Stories of failure are also a way to explain what hasn’t worked or what needs to change, try that. 

• Ask for feedback. The people who were part of the project have seen you and your journey. They are witnesses to your growth. If you are indeed interested in knowing what you can do better, ask for time and for feedback. Listen to what they have to say to you, make notes, even if you don’t agree. You can always think about it later. Not everything might be accurate, but you will get some crucial insight. 

• Express gratitude. Choose to tell people how they have helped you in the time you spent with them, and tell them the exact details. Even if they were a small stakeholder, if you feel like you have received something from them, let them know it. We often don’t or can’t give much back, to the people who have given us the most. But an admission of gratitude goes a long way. 

Well, this is all I have. Do let me know if you have any more ideas or strategies that can be added to this list. After all, abrupt and weird endings help no one. But having a cordial or amicable ending helps you actually cement the larger relationship and go back to it if you ever want to. Cheers!